I’ve Moved!

Thanks to everyone who has supported me at this blog, as well as visited it from outside sources. So amazing to know Ive reached readers in Japan (for reals!!!)

However, I’ve made everything a little more legit and moved to an official domain name!

You can find me at www.notsosimplesexuality.com

Same set up – just no more wordpress destination. You’ll have to update your bookmarks and resubscribe – but I assure you it will be worth it. Once Im finished tweaking everything TONS of new blog posts will be coming

Sneak Peak:

  • 50 Shades of Grey: Fiction vs Education. Why this book may be one of the worst things to happen to the sexual health community recently. Is it a good thing or a bad thing for sexual identity and how it portrays the BDSM community.
  • Lube For Dummies: Everything You Could Have EVER Wanted To Know About Lube (And Some Stuff You Didnt…)
  • Condoms: Why they receive a bad reputation and how to change that. PLUS: Reviews on the best brands out there
  • Comparing Birth Control Methods: Whats popular these days and what advancements have recently been made in the reproductive health field
  • Toy Reviews: OhMiBod Freestyle, OhMiBod Freestyle W, OhMiBod Club Vibe 2.oh, Hitachi Magic Wand, Tenga Flip Hole, Tenga Egg, Tenga Soft Cup, vibrating rings, sportsheets products, various porn and more!
  • Reddit r/gonewild: Liberating and body positive or desperate attention seeking behaviour
  • What Am I ACTUALLY putting in my body: A step by step COMPLETE breakdown of common ingredients found in lubes, massage oils/lotions and toys. What is safe for your body and what isnt.
  • Squeaky Clean: How to keep your toys clean & why its so vital to your health
  • Social Media & Social Skills: Why the two SHOULD go hand in hand, but actually don’t. What to expect and how to interact with people online via dating sites etc.
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Want to go to support Feminst Porn? Want to win free tickets?

I’ve got a pair of tickets to give away courtesy of Good For Her to Provocative. Public. Porn: The Years Best in Feminist Film. Event is this Thursday April 19th from 9:30pm-11:30pm at The Bloor Hot Docs Cinema (506 Bloor Street West). The screening is in support of the 2012 Feminist Porn Awards will feature a screening of selected nominated films by filmmakers Erika Lust, Buck Angel, Nenna and N Maxwell Lander. Directors will be in attendance for a moderated discussion and Q&A afterwards hosted by CoCo La Crème.

You can enter in the following ways:

– Email me at notsosimplesexuality@hotmail.com

– Comment on this post with your email so I can get in touch

– Tweet or DM me @notsosimplesex

Winner will be chosen at 10am Thursday April 19th.

Good luck & See you there!

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Feminist Porn Awards – Volunteer Training

Just the other night I had my volunteer training for the 7th annual Feminist Porn Awards. It got me so excited about the event and excited to share what feminist porn is, why it’s important and why celebrate it. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that I won some free feminist porn – Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex #3: Adrianna’s Dangerous Mindreview to come soon. Also – be sure to read down to the very bottom for some insider tips, as well as stay tuned for my four part series on musically driven vibrator manufacturer OhMiBod with reviews on the Freestyle, Freestyle W and Club Vibe 2.oh. As always, if you have any questions, seeking advice or things you’d love to see articles on – check out my contact page.

Feminist Porn Awards: How It All Began

It all started with local boutique adult store Good For Her. Their philosophy of creating a sex-positive space that appreciates all sexualities, fluidity of gender identity, and their commitment to high quality and body friendly materials makes them one of the best choices in the GTA for adult products including porn. As a store run by feminists they decided in 2006 that its not enough to just criticize the adult film industry for misrepresenting both men’s and women’s sexuality – they needed to take action and be part of the solution. Most porn people see (specifically on free porn websites online PornHub, Spankwire, XVideos, Redtube, YouPorn) is shared illegally and is of poor quality. Vital things such as age verification can never be guaranteed, and in the case of amateur videos consent of the actors is difficult to verify. That’s just the tip of the iceberg though. Next up we have all the little things that hinder enjoyment of the video – cheesy music, cliche plot lines, cookie-cutter body shapes, unflattering camera angles (no I do not want to see a closeup of a dude’s taint), objectification and degradation. This is porn that at its very best is fine to get off to – but leaves you feeling gross and like you should clear your browsing history. Immediately.

Good For Her used porn star and performance artist Annie Sprinkle’s famous words when they say;

“The answer to bad porn isn’t no porn…it’s to try and make better porn!” – Annie Sprinkle

As a result the Feminist Porn Awards began in 2006 as an annual adult video awards gala and screening night as a way to celebrate those creating erotic media (educational, and plain ol regular porn) with a “feminist sensibility”. With a belief that sexuality and erotic fantasy is dynamic and that women deserve a more empowering role in the adult film industry to create sex-positive, body-positive and gender-positive porn for everyone to enjoy.

“Good For Her wants porn to be held to a higher standard. We all deserve to see artistic expressions that celebrate who we are in all our glory, and artists deserve to have there work recognized. For these reasons, and many more, we are honoured to be the presenter and founders of the Annual Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards.”

Now I know some of you have approached me with this question already – but what IS feminist porn, and what makes a film a Feminist Porn Award winner? According to the FPA website the criteria for a nominee is as follows;

In order to be considered for a Feminist Porn Award, the movie/short/website/whatever!  must meet at least one of the following criteria:

     1)  A woman had a hand in the production, writing, direction, etc. of the work.

     2)  It depicts genuine female pleasure

     3)  It expands the boundaries of sexual representation on film and challenges stereotypes that are often found in mainstream porn. 

And of course, it has to be hot!

Overall, Feminist Porn Award winners tend to show movies that consider a female viewer from start to finish.  This means that you are more likely to see active desire and consent, real orgasms, and women taking control of their own fantasies (even when that fantasy is to hand over that control).

I’m very excited to be able to a part of this event and volunteer my time. I get to meet other sex-positive feminists, as well as check in VIPs (meeting porn stars and producers eeee!). Most importantly, I get to take a stand for what I know to be a part of the industry that is often overlooked because of the ‘boys club’ atmosphere. These women and men are AMAZINGLY talented.  I also get to dress up because its a gala with a dress code of pretty much ANYTHING. Or almost nothing. So I have still yet to pick out an outfit.

Insider Tip: The VIP swag bag that is included with the VIP tickets  is going to include a Lelo vibrator! That in itself is worth over $120 (not too shabby if you’re in the market for a luxe toy and want to save yourself a few bucks). Not to mention the rest of the bag with items from The Everything To Do With Sex Show, Fun Factory and more! Plus you’ll get tickets to the Public.Provocative.Porn: The Year’s Best in Feminist Film screening of nominees (with priority seating) as well as Entry to the Seventh Annual Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards (including VIP pre-party from 8-9pm and priority seating). Its going to be an amazingly fun night, with fun people and did I mention there is a bar?

Second Insider Tip: Do you shy away from porn? Do you find porn you’ve seen to be mostly offensive, degrading and it does the opposite of turn you on? Or perhaps you watch it alone but would like to spice things up and try watching it with a partner? Skip YouPorn and watch some stuff by Erika Lust. Its sexy and classy. A great way to bring watching porn into a relationship with ease. Check out her stuff here. My favs are Life Love Lust (watch) and Five Hot Stories For Her (watch)

For more info about the 2012 Feminist Porn Awards go here and to purchase tickets head over to Good For Her (175 Harbord St. Toronto) or purchase online

In the meantime – advice for what to wear? Im thinking something classy, but still sexy in a sultry kind of way. Obviously that needs to include plenty of cleavage. If anyone knows of any stores for non-matronly clothing for curvy/busty girls please let me know!

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Ask First

Ask First

Consent Is Hot. Assault Is Not.

Yes means yes.
Anything less than yes…isn’t consent.

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March 16, 2012 · 2:46 am

Listen To Your Body: Focus on Getting Better – Not Getting Off

Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson from none other than my partner. Its one that I often find myself saying to friends – and yet its a lesson that I find the hardest to do myself. Listen to your body.

I’ve been terribly sick this week with some form of strep throat and then a wicked sinus cold on top of that. As a result I’ve been miserable, whiny and definitely not my normal sexy and productive self. Also this week I have my partners birthday (today) AND I received my Freestyle W courtesy of OhMiBod just yesterday. As a result, I’ve wanted to not only test out what the Freestyle W has to offer – but also spend some quality time under the sheets with my man. Problem is; Im sick and my libido is non-existent.

This is where I need to take my own advice: Listen to your body!

My body is clearly telling me I need to focus on getting better – not getting off. And as much as I find it frustrating, I know my body is telling me the right thing. However its not only a cold or virus that can knock your libido off track. Your libido is one of your bodies natural indicators that something is wrong. While its natural to have highs and lows – its not natural for it to all of a sudden plummet. This could be a signal for things such as depression, stress, too little sleep, a new medication (antidepressants, blood pressure medication, chemotherapy, anti-HIV drugs and more are known for affecting your libido), poor body image, obesity and/or weight gain, low testosterone, menopause and thyroid problems. If you notice your libido plummet and you haven’t changed anything recently – get your sexy butt to a doc ASAP.

By far two of the biggest factors in an out-of-wack libido is depression and stress. So what can you do to fix that? Spend time with friends. Studies have shown that spending time with loved ones decreases stress felt by work, school etc. Take time to work out – get the testosterone pumping and you might notice you feel a little more bounce in your step. Be productive and SCHEDULE time to worry/stress, as well as time for sex and/or masturbation. Even if you SCHEDULE sex/masturbation, it might take out the suprise element but it shows you’re making it a priority to yourself AND your partner. Soon enough you won’t have to schedule it because you’ll be back to your normal self.

So why not just coast along in your low-libido funk? Sure you might get more work done, laundry might get folded and you won’t have to wash the sheets as often but lets look at just SOME of the benefits of sex/masturbation (other than being fun and feeling good of course). Sex releases endorphins. And those of you who have seen Legally Blonde know that endorphins make you happy – and happy people don’t just kill their husbands! It strengthens your pelvic floor muscles – you’ll thank me come festival concert season when you’ve got a 30 min lineup just to pee. New research has also shown that once-a-week sex produces 30% higher levels of immunoglobulin A, which boosts your immune system. In addition to being an immune system booster, sex is also a natural antihistamine.

Second on the list – is my pressure I’m putting on myself to create this super amazing day for my partners birthday. At the end of the day – he is just happy playing Mass Effect 3 while I snuggle him on the couch. Its more important to him that I feel better than he get some out-of-this-world awesome 25th birthday. While I appreciate and recognize that I have one of the most accepting partners in the world – I still feel pressure to create my ‘vision’ of his birthday that I had planned out in my head. While I’m NEVER one to advocate ‘giving’ someone sex for an occasion, as it creates resentment when given as a reward or taken away/withheld as punishment – I feel as if I’m letting my partner down by not being able to give him the ‘all about you’ experience on his birthday.

Reality check – I’m sick and miserable and even IF I decided to ‘fake it till you feel it’ I know that not only will a) my partner see right through it, but b) I look and feel super attractive with bloodshot eyes, red nose and my hair on top of my head in a sumo bun/yoga hair. Not.

So now its time for me to take care of my body and rest. Once I’m feeling better than maybe some product testing and wrestling under the sheets with my man is in order.

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Gender bread

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Latest News

On another note, I’ve updated my ‘About’ page as well as started a twitter account. Follow me @notsosimplesex for smart, sexy and informative tweets. Also – I’ve got an exciting product review coming up soon (so excited to receive it and test it!) so stay tuned for some high tech fun!

Now go touch yourself!

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